…And Happy Christmas, Happy Halloween and many other events I’ve spent away from this site and from the world of art and creativity.
Let’s say that, since my last post, my life started to change in a great number of ways and, like a tidal wave, washed away most of my routines and hobbies. However, said tsunami brought a dream boat to me so… no complains! ;)
By the end of summer I finished my animation learning course, started working more hours and faced numerous challenges regarding my new home: most of them Ikea quests (boy, I love furniture building!), but also solving basic problems, moving my essential items and getting used to live on my own again. On the meanwhile, my ex-boss called me for a collaboration and I went back to online shops management on my free (*ironic* ha ha ha) time.
On the last months I also had to deal with plenty of emotional changes, especially those regarding my relationship with Ari. As you know, we started really close and I love her to death… but she’s so used to my parents’ house that I feel bad when I take her with me to the new home. The fact that she likes company so much makes it even worse because, unavoidably, I can’t be at home as much as my parents can… and, let’s face it, their house has a patio where she can pursue and hunt moths. I can’t compare to that!
So I have a real conflict because I want her with me and I know she expects me to be with her, but I know she also loves my parents, they adore her and they can offer her more attention. She heals them. Therefore, I know that leaving her there most of the time is the good thing to do… but I miss her really bad, and I am terrified that I may have spoiled the relationship we had when I adopted her by being away for too long (you know, working and studying at the same time leaves little options…). But well, this is starting to get old as a problem, so I really hope I get a sudden ray of light into this dark matter and things keep changing for the better.
Onto other matters, I miss the creative work. That said, my current company gives me the chance to test myself in graphic design for mobile apps, and I am starting to enjoy the magic of icon making. It’s true I haven’t done a single animation since the course ended, but I’m still learning a little on my own, about Unity and JavaScript for websites.
Now the year has changed, I plan to take the rudder wheel of my life and get back on track with whatever I feel like doing. That said, I apologize in advance because I want to have a compromise of not compromising. What I mean is that I am used to doing many things because I feel easily interested by many options. However, I am not the one to choose a single path and become an expert because I grow indifferent or even disenchanted, to the point where trying to get better becomes stressful and frustrating while I convince myself I am not cut for that. It’s even harder when I get the feeling I am disappointing the ones that taught me, watched me evolve and still expect better from me. Lately Emilie Wapnick’s conference came to me and made me realize that I am not alone with these feelings. I take the chance to thank Emilie here: that was a real wake up call.
Consequentially, I don’t know what my future holds. I want to keep this portfolio alive, even if I don’t have many things to upload in the following months. I want to pay more attention to my loved ones, and to my own stories and characters. And, overall, I want to enjoy my life: stop getting hunted by the numerous doors I’ve opened in the past, start worrying less about the future, and realize the beautiful potential of my present. Here’s one of my favourite scenes of all time, and one I should revisit more often:
And that is all for today! I am glad to be back and I thank you for your patience.
Have a wonderful January! See you soon :*
XXX
Carmen
PD. You can check the full New Year Card here ; ).
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